Have you ever heard of, or witnessed the, “Globe of Death”? What it is, is a large steel meshed sphere, with a trap door on the bottom plate where multiple people can ride their motorcycles in and out of. It is a stunt that is performed typically with three riders flying around inside of the sphere all at the same time. It is choreographed chaos, a deadly accident seemingly waiting to happen. There is a ton of force exerted on the riders bodies, and some report even “greying out” while riding due to the stress. This stunt has been performed all over the world in circuses and shows.
In an atom, there is a nucleus, or a center, where electrons “spin” around it. They don’t actually spin, but that is the visual we are often shown in school, to give us an idea of how these microscopic engines run. They are actually in orbits, which are affected by physics that I do not purport to even marginally understand.
I think about things all at once, yet separately. Thoughts are tough, because sometimes they seem to be controlled, and sometimes they pop out of nowhere. Our conscious and unconscious seem to be battling for time up there. My mind is filled with important ideas, and rubbish. They do have some centers, or nucleus, but the seem to drive around crazily, without vision or destination.
Three years is either a long time, or just a blink, depending on your point of view. 36 months, or 156 weeks, or 1,095 days, or 26, 280 hours, no matter how you break it down, it is just a measuring device. I should have seen it coming, it has happened before. The world offers all sorts of random crashes to rattle your mind, to shake your psyche. Death, separation, sickness, change, all can permanently impact your point of view. Most assuredly it has impacted mine.
The question is this: How do I stop? How do I stop thinking about all of these things? Because it is exhausting. In one evening my mind will race and examine a close friend who was taken away over 20 years ago, or the angry parent who left such an imprint on my body and mind, my lack of faith, or my misplacement of faith, guilt over my past sins, dread of the future, my longing for those who do not long for me. Hope, for something.
But the mind spins around and around, like some sort of demon possessed washing machine. No answers, no peace, no solace, just orbits, motorcycles, racing, to no end.
I have not written in a long while. I was asked not to, and while I did not agree, I shrank away. It was for the best. For that person for sure. They have fully moved on. Grown into something different, an entrepreneur, a wife, and more. Not that my writing made a difference, but it was a tiny reminder. I am not writing for them, or for you, the reader, although I will publish this. I am writing to try to get back on that horse. To start again, something that I do love, and do enjoy. I jotted down two sentences the other evening for someone, an acquaintance who I thought needed a brief smile. I don’t know if they smiled, but I did, so here we are. I am going to try to write more regularly, some big, some small, I welcome all of your thoughts, and look forward to spending some time here at the keyboard again.
This seems vague, new, and unfamiliar, but it is a start. I have so many things racing around up in my mind, it is tough, but I will try not to crash.